[Nisha’s Greatest Hits!] Proving your worth in relationships
Hello everyone. So this is a special Nisha’s Greatest Hits because it is open for everyone to see. And I just want to remind everyone that Nisha’s Greatest Hits is a cute little benefit from investing on The Healing Hype for $5 A month or $50 here and this month for the month of June I am donating all of my income from The Healing Hype to Critical Resistance which works to dismantle the prison industrial complex, as well as go toward mutual aid for LGBTQIA to spirit plus folks. So if you like this, and you would love for your whatever you pay for this month, whether it's $5 a month, or you pay $50 A year annually to go toward those causes. Please do invest. I will include a button at the bottom of this post for you to upgrade if you do not already subscribe. At that rate, I would love to be able to raise $500, so that is that.
So I wanted to talk about grasping for worth in relationships and if any of you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen that today I posted about this, about how my ex husband told me two things that made me kind of question my worth made me feel like I had to prove myself to be worthy of him or worthy to have him or whatever. So those two things that he said to me were that one my friends were really boring. And as a consequence, his friends were super cool. And to that I had no passions in life. So this made me really sad and it made me question like my own friends who let me tell you I have life long, amazing badass friends who I feel really safe with. And pretty much all of those friends that I've had from the time when I was with my ex husband, which was over 15 years ago to now um you know are still my friends and they're amazing and all is there for me but because he said these things I thought that like okay, well, I'll hang out with his friends. I would talk to my friends last or if I wanted to hang out with my friends. I feel like I'd be walking on eggshells to ask him or he'd get annoyed and see what losers they are or whatever. So instead of realizing that I have amazing friends, because I wanted to belong to Him with him, whatever you want to call it. I would see my friends less and hang out with his friends all the time. And the other thing he said was I had no passions or interests and at that time you know when I met him I think that was about 25 and 40. Now, I was really questioning and like felt really sad that I didn't know what my my one passion in life was, which itself is kind of like not fair, because sometimes we don't have one passion in life. Sometimes we'd like lots of things or sometimes we have more of a role in life. Like there are people like my brother who always knew what he wanted to do. And I was the person that didn't. And at the same time what I ended up seeing later on was that I definitely have a role in life and my different skills and qualities lend to that role. So anyway, that itself was something 15 years ago I you know, I wasn't there yet. So when he said that to me, it just made me super sad. And it kind of looks like confirmation bias for me of like yeah, I'm a loser who doesn't know what you want. So I will like everything that he likes. So I started getting really into all the life music he listened to. I even like he was like, why don't you take piano lessons then we can play together because he used to play guitar, or he plays guitar. I'm guessing he still does. Um, so I started doing all that stuff. And he took me wrong. I actually used to play piano when I was a kid, and I really liked it. And I also played saxophone lessons when I was with him and singing lessons. And I had fun doing those things. But the source of it, the source of my desire to do it was so that I could do it with him so that he could like me more or accept me more or I could be more there could be more of a longing in our relationship. I got super into every professional sport. I was even his fantasy football team manager and we like joked about it. I knew everything about the different basketball teams, baseball, everything, you know, I was so glued to it. Whereas now with my current partner like he'll tell me stuff and I'll listen and I like watching sports like I always liked watching sports here and there. But I was never as obsessed as I was when I was with my ex husband. Um, so yeah, and like I just started getting really interested in what he liked so that I could feel like one I could feel like that. That whole that I had about not having a passion was filled and and there was a double bonus that you know, I would be there would be more belonging that I had in our relationship. So this grasping energy, trying to feel prove myself prove my worth to him and also to myself was really shitty, honestly it did not feel good. And when I realized in the end that like my friends are friggin awesome, and that I have such beautiful qualities and so much magic within myself as Do you as just everyone it just looks different because we're different human beings and that's just how it is. I realized that like you know there there's a lot of there's so much I had to offer that I didn't need to prove. And in this Instagram post you're welcome to go to my Instagram and healing hype girl and look, I put some visuals to show what what this feels like. And the visual I put an Instagram post was post was that I'm like like this wind up doll like there's this one of those like wind up things but on my back and every time like he would say something in like, want me to do it like it'd be like take saxophone lessons like wind me up. Let me get wind it up and then do the thing that he liked. Right. And I would just get exhausted and like, you know, like windup dolls when you wind them up and let them go. They just go in whatever direction that's kind of how I felt like it was aimless. I was doing it. And it “worked” but it really wasn't from my own fuel source. It was family, you know, doing the winding. Whereas afterwards when I realized like, oh, no, I have so much so much worth on my own as a person. The relationships I have with my friends are amazing. You know, I was so heart centered. I have this picture on that post of like, my heart and then this beautiful aura that's coming from within me. And also kind of you know, goes to the idea of the Care Bear energy that I talked about in my workshop How to Be Your Own Care Bear which you are welcome to purchase the replay. It's only $6 from my website or from my Instagram. It's like Care Bears know, the power within them and they just emanated out especially when they do it with their Care Bear people are Care Bear and Care Bear family. They hold each other's hands into the Care Bear Stare and their magic comes out from them. But in my marriage and just the whole relationship the time we were dating to that Care Bear energy was just dormant. It was just sleeping and I dismissed it and denied it really from from spreading it out into the world because I was told that it wasn't there and it wasn't good enough. And it just makes me so sad to think about, you know what I mean? That that was the case. Another metaphor you can use for that is like, like there's this carrot in front of me you know like that. That thing about like someone holding a carrot in front of you and you're just like, constantly chasing after but you're never getting it because someone is manipulate again, you know? And when I can just go to the store because I want the carrot myself. That's the other thing. Do I want the carrot or is the person telling you that I need the carrot right? Someone is you know trying to dangle in front of me and that's a problem. So anyways, I this is one of my longer Nisha’s Greatest Hits. Usually these are only like one to two minutes. But I really wanted to talk about this concept because there's so many ways we can look at it. We can look at it as being the windup toy is the person dangling something in front of us? Capitalism dangling happiness and fulfillment in front of us if we keep making more money or get a promotion or get this job with this “well known” company or on a personal level, if we have kids or whatever, and I'm not knocking any of these things. I'm just saying that when society tells us this is what will make us feel fulfilled, and we keep chasing after it or keep being wound up by it. We might just be going in directions that are not true for us. So what does it look like when it's really coming from us? So um, yeah, this is also something I think a lot about and it's what drove me to create From Work to Worth, my four month group coaching container that starts July 9, so I will link it here in the post. So if any of you are listening to this, go to the post to check out my program. You can go to my website to nishaland.com and there's a From Work to Worth page. And yeah, I'd love to dive into more of this with you because this is not something that I figured out like on my own, you know, Namie and this is not something that I'm just like, Oh, I'm worthy. You know, this took therapy. This took my talking to my friends. This was like intense back and forth text messages with one of my friends. You know, and a lot of therapy and coaching that got me to this point of realizing that I have so much inner worth and we all do and when we are denying that worth in service to someone else or something else. We're really quieting ourselves and we're not letting the world see the beauty and magic inside of us. So I hope this was supportive to you and I would love if you invested in The Healing Hype. And oh, one thing I forgot to mention earlier is that if you invest in it, you are going to be entered into a drawing for a free one hour Human Design reading for me, so definitely invest. This will just be for the month of June. And thank you so much for listening!
Transcribed by https://otter.ai