Are you in integrity with your boundaries?
For the rest of November, all posts on The Healing Hype will be free, just so we can get the ball rolling with the upcoming changes. As a reminder, if you’re a paying subscriber, you will not be charged again after November 30, 2021.
My group container Boundaries for BIPOC starts tomorrow! I have 10 humans who joined, and I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to be with them for 6 weeks!
AND, I’m tired. Launching a program is tiring af. Even though I hired an amazing virtual assistant who kept me on track, scheduled emails, and supported me through the workflow, launching is a lotta work!
As a Feminist Healing Coach, I tell my clients that rest is key. Listening to your body is magical. And I would like to practice what I preach! So while I could have made a massive last push to post on my Instagram for more enrollments, I’m choosing to create the content for the program instead.
Capitalism wouldn’t like that. It goes against all the marketing “rules”. While I don’t think sending emails at the very last minute is coming from scarcity (I have purchased at the last minute for events, items, and programs and appreciated the reminders), I also want to honor my capacity. And doing that means potentially sacrificing more income so I can be in my flow, in my integrity, and more connected in general.
This is one of my boundaries: I want to spend my time doing what feels genuine, so I won’t do what I think I “should” do.
Aside from honoring this boundary, and taking mid-day Downton Abbey + ice cream breaks, this has really made me think of how often we are out of integrity by violating our own boundaries. How often does doing what we think we “should” do take more precedence? This isn’t a fault or a time to blame or punish ourselves, that defeats the purpose. But I do think as the year winds down, as Scorpio season beckons transformations, and as more and more returns to “normal”, this is a lovely time to reflect.
Reflection for you:
Think about one relationship (person or setting) in your life and journal about the following. It might be helpful to start with a relationship that is relatively positive or neutral to get the hang of it:
How do you honor this relationship?
What feelings do you generally associate with this relationship?
Think of a specific time this relationship felt misaligned. How did your feelings shift?
Which settings or contexts do you feel in tune with this relationship? Which settings or contexts do you feel out of tune?
What stops you from being in integrity in this relationship? Because of systemic inequities or conditioning? Is it easier to keep things the same? Are you afraid to shift larger relationship dynamics that live outside of the relationship? Is it not safe to make a change (I’m talking about true life threats here)?
I enrolled in a membership for wildbody somatics last month, and it’s already been so valuable. The other day, we did an exercise where we mimicked our body speeding up into a hyperarousal state and then slowing down into a hypoarousal state. Then we were asked to create an image of what that felt like. I drew two representations of this exercise:
A few people commented about how it was hard to slow down. And while this was true, what I also noticed was that, even though this was a voluntary practice, I built so much momentum speeding up into hyperarousal, that it almost felt like I couldn’t control it. This made slowing down challenging because of all the energy I expended to speed up.
Either we are forced to slow down because we have burned ourselves out. OR we can slow down with awareness and intention.
So what does this have to do with being in integrity?
When our body is used to a certain type of arousal or momentum, which can look like responding or reacting and doing what we’ve learned we “should” do out of habit, slowing down is HARD. Making change is SCARY. Even though we may not want to adhere to these patterns, the other options require a lot of intention and courage. This can bring about a lot of discomfort.
Discomfort is not always a terrible thing. It tells us that there might be danger, AND it tells us that change is here. This is where we can invite ourselves into courageous discernment and brutal honesty.
Is the change you’re making going to bring you safety because you’re creating a boundary, aligning with your values, and staying in integrity? Or will that change be too dangerous? What are some other choices you have, maybe smaller steps, that can move you in the direction of your desires, your integrity, your boundaries?
In the end…
I’m sure you can think of a time when what you did wasn’t really what you wanted. I’m not saying it’s a-okay to be self-centered without regard for others or the collective. What I’m saying is, if you’re worried you might be too self-centered, it’s probably because you were taught that caring for yourself was bad, not because you’re a “bad” person. What I’m saying is, what about regarding yourself? What about the voice you’ve always quieted because somehow its voice was quieted through direct and indirect messaging?
It’s okay to want things. It’s okay to desire. It’s okay to not abide by external expectations and norms. Will you lose relationships with humans, institutions, or finances because of this? It’s possible. Do these relationships matter? Of course. But what about our relationship with ourself? That is your responsibility, no one else’s. And when this responsibility translates into boundaries, new worlds open up.
I’d love to know what came up for you with the reflections. Let me know!