[Nisha's Greatest Hits (free trial)] Realizing your worth and the cycle of grief
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Here’s my first greatest hit!
Hello. So I'm going to do Nisha's Greatest Hits for free for a little while so you can get a taste of the stuff that pops up in my head and the intuitive hits I get. So this morning, in bed I was thinking about worth I've been thinking about worth a lot as I read on work won't love you back by Sarah Jaffe. Jaffe I think it is. And I was thinking about how, you know, there was a time where I really equated work with worth, whether it was intentional or not. And I actually realized today, how sometimes when you realize you're worthy, and you, it's like something new, you feel angry. And I kind of thought about why. And I realized, you know what, realizing your worth, it might be kind of like the five stages of grief. So first is denial being like, wow, I'm worthy, like outside of capitalistic productivity standards outside of, you know, how much money I make outside of who accepts me, like just, you know, like, wow, I cannot believe it. Like, I have denied this for so long, like, I'm so in shock to realize that, like, I didn't know this, and then that moves to anger, being really mad at society, and capitalism and colonization, for passing these ideals, you know, through our previous generations, that it's so embedded into our education system, our you know, work slash productivity system, every single system is like, you know, if you don't work hard, you're worthless, basically. And that's, like, very anger inducing, and it's also anger inducing, when it's like a parent, and a parent is denying your ability to do things, you know, saying you don't work hard enough, but then really, it's them denying you as a human being. If that happens from your primary caretakers, it's not surprising that that sense of worth has diminished from you, and that you feel like you have to constantly prove yourself and keep seeking outside of yourself. So after, like, you're angry about it, maybe venting, you know, to a friend, or even venting and reacting toward people in your life who think that way. I might move into bargaining. Not so much like, you know, trying to, you know, bargain worth with work or whatever, maybe, but also, like, bargaining is like struggling to find meaning in it like, okay, so then what does that mean? Like? Does that mean if I do nothing like that's okay. Or does that mean, I shouldn't work hard? Or what does this really mean? How can I balance my feelings of worth with my actual situation today, right? And so that also might mean struggling to find meaning and is really like figuring it out. It's more of a mental process of like, okay, well, then how can I make this work and thinking all the combinations and permutations, and this can lead into the fourth stage, which is depression, because you're just overwhelmed. And I feel helpless, like we're in a capitalistic society that does determine our worth by our work, sadly. So you know, it's it can feel really helpless. And that could be really, really depressing. And then the last stage is acceptance. And I'm not sure I feel like this is something that goes back and forth along this spectrum. And this is why I think we really need each other to talk about this. This is why we need to constantly re evaluate, you know, relationships in our life and the worth we feel in them or how someone treats us and if that is something that's conditional, because worth is not conditional worth is just something that we have that we're born with, we are born worthy. So that's one of nature's greatest hits. I hope you enjoyed it.